Some things matter & some things don’t.
To wake up from the stressful haze that was my day to realize that my mom isn’t happy with me and thinks I’m fucking up my life, my dad has never been there to start with, my brother moved away and has more than just himself to take care of now, and my sister is dead, it brings me down like nothing else could. Sure, today was just another day, despite how ridiculous it all was; however my car being towed, the excessive amount of money I had to drain from my bank account, realizing some people are not going to change and guys lie more often than they speak the truth just made it all that much more stressful. It sucks that life seems very unappealing most days and things to look forward to don’t seem like they’ll be coming around as much as they once did. I am unhappy with so many things right now. I guess some older people who think they have a little more figured out than I do would tell me it’s up to myself to put things into a more optimistic perspective but sometimes it really isn’t as simple as mind over matter. I guess.. actually I know that today could have been much worse. I really appreciate the friends who were there for me today, I know I was a handful. I thought about my low point(s) today and I appreciated the high points. A friend taught me to do that today. I needed to write this down so I can remember this feeling on days like this one and know that there is, in fact, something that will change it or just something good that will distract me from how awful days like today can be. I need a change. I don’t need small talk. I need myself.
